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Ramblings on parasociality.
Mar. 23rd, 2025 01:47 pmSome background information you may not know about me: A little known fact about me these days is that I used to be part of a failed YouTuber's Patreon/Discord server. I was, in fact, considered among the favored members of the server. And, although I always maintained healthy boundaries with that creator, HL, to the point where she'd almost bully me about it (yeah, she's not a good person), others didn't. And I saw firsthand how much damage that did to community members.
I bring this up because this parasociality (let's call it what it is) seems to be almost a requirement of fandom these days, and I'm not a fan of it. It's not enough to just be a fan of a creator or an actor--you have to be a part of their Patreon or their Discord. You have to personally interact with them. And often times the more famous half of the equation does not maintain the boundaries they should, leading to...well...we all saw what happened with Frazer, right?
It's not always the onus of the famous person in the equation to maintain proper boundaries--the fans can and should hold them as well--but they do hold the power in the "relationship." The fans need not seek out the approval of the "famous" so hard, as that way will inevitably, eventually, lead to disappointment. In the case of HL, she leaned heavily on her fans to aid with her mental health; the fans aren't going to talk to you like a professional would and nearly all of them didn't, which kept perpetuating the issue.
I sometimes see this happening to fans with other fans, too. I keep going back to when I read the MsScribe story on JournalFen. (If you want to hate humanity for a few days, I recommend it. Which means I don't actually recommend it, but I digress.) That's where I discovered the term BNF, or Big Name Fan. BNFs for Harry Potter included people like Cassie Clare who are now published authors (and, in CC's case, a certified piece of shit, but I again digress). I think a lot of Laptopgate in particular. All fans can benefit from remembering we're all just normal people, no matter how many followers we have or how much engagement we get, and that we need to be mindful to treat each other that way.
And that's howSue Cs it I see it!
I bring this up because this parasociality (let's call it what it is) seems to be almost a requirement of fandom these days, and I'm not a fan of it. It's not enough to just be a fan of a creator or an actor--you have to be a part of their Patreon or their Discord. You have to personally interact with them. And often times the more famous half of the equation does not maintain the boundaries they should, leading to...well...we all saw what happened with Frazer, right?
It's not always the onus of the famous person in the equation to maintain proper boundaries--the fans can and should hold them as well--but they do hold the power in the "relationship." The fans need not seek out the approval of the "famous" so hard, as that way will inevitably, eventually, lead to disappointment. In the case of HL, she leaned heavily on her fans to aid with her mental health; the fans aren't going to talk to you like a professional would and nearly all of them didn't, which kept perpetuating the issue.
I sometimes see this happening to fans with other fans, too. I keep going back to when I read the MsScribe story on JournalFen. (If you want to hate humanity for a few days, I recommend it. Which means I don't actually recommend it, but I digress.) That's where I discovered the term BNF, or Big Name Fan. BNFs for Harry Potter included people like Cassie Clare who are now published authors (and, in CC's case, a certified piece of shit, but I again digress). I think a lot of Laptopgate in particular. All fans can benefit from remembering we're all just normal people, no matter how many followers we have or how much engagement we get, and that we need to be mindful to treat each other that way.
And that's how
